Are you satisfied or are you Feeling Stuck – Navigating a potential Mid-Life Crisis
Happiness is subjective. What do people mean by happiness, and how do we know if different people mean the same thing? This was posed by Richard Easterlin in his research known as The Economist of Happiness.
As you grow older, you may look back at your life with a smile on your face, or, you may look back with regret – questioning multiple decisions that led to this moment, asking yourself ‘am I satisfied with my life’?
If we aren’t satisfied, then we may feel stuck.
Often the signs for a mid-life crisis are stereotyped to a Male in the ages of 40 and upwards, and no one wants to be the cliché or punchline to a joke. However, anyone can show these signs and feel stuck in their career and personal lives. The lead up to our ‘mid years’ could yield in dread and the feeling of being stuck or not being satisfied and you are not alone in feeling this way. Hannes Schwandt captured the feeling “In middle age you may feel disappointment about your past and then also your expectations evaporate about the future”, this was from Jonathan Rauch’s book The Happiness Curve where he shows positively that happiness follows a well-documented U-shaped trajectory.
This blog covers signs of a mid-life crisis, feeling stuck, and what you and your organisation can do to support yourself and your teams.
A midlife crisis is characterised by a period of self-reflection, questioning of life choices, and a desire for significant changes in one's life, resulting in feeling stuck. While not everyone goes through a midlife crisis, those who do may exhibit certain common behaviors and emotions.
This feeling can result in a variety of emotional complexities. These complexities may not result in crisis necessarily, however, addressing them is not only important but necessary. It can be a time when individuals can reassess their priorities, re-evaluate their goals, and make meaningful changes to align their lives with their authentic selves.
In a book by Carol Graham where she looked at data around the world on what makes us happy wrote “Everywhere that I have studied happiness some very simple patterns hold: a stable marriage, good health and enough (but not too much) income are good for happiness. Unemployment, divorce and economic instability are terrible for happiness”.
Happiness can mean a couple of things, my mood in the moment like ‘I’m joyful’ or ‘I’m annoyed’, this short-term happiness is known as affective happiness. Researchers measure this by your emotions. Then there is the assessment of happiness, which is about how satisfied you are with your life; this is about assessing your life, known as evaluative happiness, and if asked at different points during your life, will provide a different answer.
Signs of an impending midlife crisis and feeling stuck can include:
Feeling a sense of dissatisfaction or emptiness – feeling stuck
Questioning the meaning and purpose of life
Longing for youth and feeling a fear of aging
Reflecting on missed opportunities or unfulfilled dreams
Experiencing restlessness or a desire for change
Seeking excitement or thrill-seeking activities
Changes in appearance, such as drastic hairstyle changes or pursuing cosmetic procedures.
Re-evaluating relationships, including questioning the significance of current partnerships or considering affairs
Exploring new hobbies, interests, or careers.
If you suspect someone is going through a mid-life crisis or feeling stuck, here are some ways to offer support and assistance:
Be empathetic and understanding: Listen actively and without judgment. Validate their feelings and let them express their emotions
Encourage self-reflection: Help them explore their thoughts and emotions. Engage in open-ended conversations to facilitate introspection
Promote self-care: Encourage healthy habits, such as regular exercise, sufficient sleep, and a balanced diet. These can improve overall well-being and resilience during challenging times
Facilitate professional help: Suggest seeing a therapist, counselor, or coach who can provide guidance and support through the midlife crisis. Professional assistance can help individuals gain clarity and develop coping strategies
Encourage exploration: Support their efforts to explore new interests, hobbies, or goals. This can provide a sense of purpose and excitement during this phase of life
Foster a positive environment: Create a supportive atmosphere where they can discuss their concerns openly. Encourage positive thinking and offer reassurance that this period of transition is normal and temporary
Seek couple or family therapy: If the midlife crisis is affecting relationships, consider engaging in therapy together. This can help improve communication, understanding, and facilitate healthy adjustments.
Lia Perre from Aspire Recovery Connection took the step to go through our coaching sessions. She was looking for assistance around her communication, and here’s what she had to say,
“I mostly felt stuck around my communication and how best to get my heartfelt intentions across to others in the way that I meant them, not in the way others were hearing them. Sue and I worked over a few sessions focusing on the power of language and helping me to understand better ways for me to phrase things or ask questions so that people could hear and understand what I meant in a loving and caring way.”
Guiding Lia through professional help has embedded her with the tools and knowledge to improve in her communication delivery, and in turn bringing more joy to her work.
The World Happiness Report 2023 states that “A natural way to measure people’s well-being is to ask them how satisfied they are with their lives. A typical question is, “Overall, how satisfied are you with your life these days?” People reply on a scale of 0-10 (0= completely dissatisfied, 10= completely satisfied). This allows people to evaluate their own happiness without making any assumptions about what causes it. Thus ‘life satisfaction’ is a standard measure of well-being.”
Martin E.P. Seligman, one of America’s most prominent psychologists has a formula for happiness:
H = S + C + V
Happiness = Emotional Set Range + Circumstances of your life + Voluntary control.
Using this formula, we can work to change our life’s circumstances and our own behaviour and emotional patterns in ways that help us to be happier. Happiness is certainly complicated, and time also has an impact, but if we focus on the present, control the controllables, this gives us hope for the future and can improve our satisfaction.
Aristotle’s spoke of deeper satisfaction not from feeling good, but from doing good; so fundamentally when we get to our mid years, we look at finding happiness in the social and connected impact we can have and not in the material. The 2015 World Happiness Report notes; there is a strong link between life satisfaction and being connected to others.
Feeling of being stuck and signs of a mid-life crisis can also be caused by an organisation through over-promotion
“The Peter Principle”, published in 1967 by Dr Laurence J Peter suggests that organisations that follow a hierarchical structure could fall victim to the Peter Principle. For example, hiring a manager, internally through a promotion or externally recruited, who isn’t competent for the role can affect the manager as they start experiencing a feeling of overwhelm and a level of incompetence. They may double down on the need for formalities and demand unrealistic perfection.
They find it difficult to perform to optimal levels as they often find themselves out of flow.
Furthermore, the manager can affect others within their team as they may not be able to give clear directions, take control of their work, shut down ideas and “develop peculiar habits like insisting on keeping a clean desk (paperwork may remind them of the inadequacy) or do the exact opposite by stacking files and papers on their desks (to give the illusion of heavy workload).”
Although written 50 years ago, this happens more than you’d think in today’s working environment, causing a mid-life crisis inflicted by the employer and the individual.
There are several strategies your organisation can take when someone is going through a potential mid-life crisis.
Assigning mentors to staff members taking on senior roles that require a higher level of thinking, responsibilities and involves greater levels of stress
Offering employees flexible working options and other incentives to improve their mental health and wellbeing
Accessing an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) to give them an external resource to talk to
Conduct informal catchups with your staff members, creating the space for personal discussions
Fortifying recruitment strategies and processes to ensure the right person is in the right job
Coaching client testimonial
“Sue, with her expertise and various techniques, guided me through this difficult phase. Remarkably, even after the first session, I felt a significant shift. The heavy cloud that had loomed over me for months seemed to dissipate as if by magic. Sue helped me let go of the overwhelming guilt and enabled me to listen to my family's problems more objectively, understanding their upset without shouldering the blame.
Her support and coaching not only provided clarity and a fresh perspective but also empowered me to navigate through this crisis. With Sue's assistance, I learned to prioritise my own well-being while maintaining love and compassion for my family. The coaching sessions became a catalyst for personal growth and self-discovery, allowing me to find a healthier balance between my own needs and those of my loved ones. I am truly grateful for Sue's guidance and the positive impact our coaching sessions have had on my life”.
At The Woohoo Co., in addition to Coaching, we conduct an I.R.I.S (Initial Recruitment Interview Schedule) with our clients which helps assess an individual’s decision-making capability. This helps an individual find flow when they are in the correct Level of Work.
Individuals will be able to identify where they work best, assess their likely growth or potential, and help organisations identify and make informed decisions when recruiting and promoting.
Where do you go from here?
In conclusion, a mid-life crisis is a complex and multifaceted phenomenon that affects individuals in various ways. It is a period of introspection, evaluation, and potential transformation that many people experience as they navigate the challenges and transitions of life.
While popular culture often portrays the mid-life crisis as a negative or destructive phase, it is important to recognise that it can also be an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. It is a time when individuals can reassess their priorities, re-evaluate their goals, and make meaningful changes to align their lives with their authentic selves.
It is crucial to approach feelings of being stuck or a mid-life crisis with empathy and understanding, both for ourselves and for others who may be going through it. It is a time of vulnerability and uncertainty, but also a time of immense potential for positive transformation and renewed purpose.
Research tells us that life satisfaction by age starts to increase from around 55 years old based on analysis of Gallup World Poll, and Laura Cartensen a leading expert on aging and happiness, supports this claim through her research on aging; expecting to see a decline and decay, as the older we became the more we fell apart. What she found was the opposite. Aging changes who we are, and what we perceive in ways that make us happier.
But if you don’t want to wait until then and you want to get unstuck and get ahead of your U curve, contact us and we will help you find your Woohoo again!
Get in touch with us if you would like to explore our coaching services.
References
Richard Easterlin – literature on the economics of happiness. - Easterlin Paradox
The Easterlin paradox is a finding in happiness economics formulated in 1974 by Richard Easterlin, then professor of economics at the University of Pennsylvania, and the first economist to study happiness data. [1] The paradox states that at a point in time happiness varies directly with income both among and within nations, but over time happiness does not trend upward as income continues to grow: while people on higher incomes are typically happier than their lower-income counterparts at a given point in time, higher incomes don't produce greater happiness over time.
